She stood, sniffing back her tears and fetched herself a tissue.Stan watched as one of the two women he loved fought herself back under control. He was continually amazed at Anne's control, her self-discipline. When her mastery over her feelings, burst like this he knew there had to have been a major reason.Finally she seemed to be in command of herself again. She looked up at Stan, then over to Denise. She told them both, "I'm sorry about that. I don't know what came over me. I'd been holding this in for a while, now, since Sid got into contact with me. He told me I had to keep it secret, "deeply under the rose" as he put it, and I couldn't say what was happening to anyone. But in the end I had to tell you, I had to. It wasn't fair to you, and it wasn't fair to me, either. I'm so sorry, and then you go and say that to me. I thought you'd both be upset and angry with me. To be quite honest I was frightened about what you'd say. Thank you!"As Anne spoke, tears began to flow down her. I needed to dip into her head once more to find out for myself.Generally, the common model for viewing a person's life is to feel it like a string, running from the moment of birth to the moment of death. Although that isn't always the actual way that life goes, it is a good way for me to envision it. I pulled myself like a scuba diver; hand over hand, down the line of Angela's life, back to the depths of the earliest memories and then let myself rise again through her life. The line fairly dripped with Peter Shaw's sick interference.The life experiences were clipped to her lifeline in close procession much the same way a line of washing is hung along a clothesline. I read them as if I was watching the scene unfold before of me. The birth was hanging at the very front and the dirty rag of that event smothered me in its foulness. As I found when searching through Sara's history, the life events a person remembers are but a small fraction of the total. Angela's life story included.
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